Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
