i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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