Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
