I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
