Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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