just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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