Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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