youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
