hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize