did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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