dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
