I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
