So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
