I CAN MOONWALK!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize