the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
