is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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