I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am spending my child support on dildos
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize