accomplished twins. life is a go
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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