it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
