all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize