should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
