so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
