Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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