Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize