Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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