he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
