Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
