my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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