Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
