I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
