even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
