is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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