apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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