you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
