The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm too high and old for this...
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