Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
