I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
