You're a womanizer and a bitch.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
