If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
