I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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