Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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