Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
