Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
