Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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