hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
