sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
