the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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