Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
