You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Yo dont text me then not text me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
