Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
