this boner is exhausting
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
bring money and cleavage
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
