i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
