watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
