Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can't turn off my feet"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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