It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
