If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's shark week go big or go home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
