I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
