1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
