oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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