So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
