Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
