So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
