suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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