His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
