did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
