I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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