That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I puked a lego.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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