OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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