look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
we're making bets on your personal life
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
