Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize