TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
