Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I could fuck to npr.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
