we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
