guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
